In a culture that idolizes perfection, it’s easy to think that hospitality requires an Instagram-worthy home, a flawless tablescape, and a gourmet meal. But that’s not the hospitality God calls us to practice.
Even Martha Stewart, the queen of entertaining herself, recently admitted in her new documentary that perfectionism can often get in the way of true connection. She said, “Perfectionism robs the heart from hospitality. It becomes more about you than the people you’re serving.” While her words may not have been framed in a theological context, they reveal a truth that aligns with Scripture: hospitality is about the heart, not the performance.
Biblical hospitality moves us beyond perfectionism into a deeper, more intentional way of serving others. It’s not about impressing people but about loving them as God does.
The Danger of Perfectionism in Hospitality
The pursuit of perfectionism in hospitality is not only exhausting but also self-focused. When we prioritize appearances over connection, we lose sight of the true purpose of hospitality: serving others and reflecting God’s love.
Perfectionism often stems from pride or fear. We want others to see us as successful or capable, or we’re afraid of being judged. But the Bible calls us to reject these motives. Proverbs 29:25 (NLT) warns, “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.”
Jesus Himself confronted this issue in the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. Martha was so focused on preparing everything perfectly that she became distracted and frustrated, missing the joy of simply being with Jesus. Meanwhile, Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet, prioritizing His presence over the tasks at hand. Jesus affirmed Mary’s choice, saying, “There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42, NLT).
This story reminds us that hospitality is not about perfection but about presence.
Biblical Hospitality vs. Cultural Entertaining
Cultural entertaining often focuses on appearances: the spotless house, the elaborate menu, the perfectly coordinated decor. While there’s nothing wrong with putting effort into hosting, the Bible paints a different picture of hospitality—one rooted in love and humility.
- Hospitality Is About Others Entertaining often centers on the host, but hospitality centers on the guest. Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT) reminds us, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” True hospitality shifts the focus from ourselves to the people we’re serving.
- Hospitality Embraces Imperfection Scripture shows us that hospitality doesn’t require perfect circumstances. In fact, some of the most powerful examples of hospitality happen in moments of need and imperfection. In 1 Kings 17, the widow at Zarephath practiced hospitality by sharing her last bit of food with the prophet Elijah, trusting that God would provide. Her act of faith and generosity reminds us that hospitality isn’t about abundance or perfection—it’s about obedience and trust.
- Hospitality Reflects God’s Love Biblical hospitality reflects the way God welcomes us. Romans 15:7 (NLT) says, “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.” God doesn’t invite us into His family because we’re perfect. He welcomes us in our brokenness, and we are called to do the same for others.
How to Let Go of Perfectionism in Hospitality
If you’ve been striving for Martha Stewart standards in your hospitality, it’s time to let go. Here are some practical steps to embrace biblical hospitality instead:
- Focus on Connection, Not Performance Shift your mindset from “How can I impress my guests?” to “How can I make my guests feel loved and valued?” Ask yourself: Would your guests rather eat a simple meal while feeling truly cared for, or enjoy a gourmet feast while sensing your stress and exhaustion?
- Keep It Simple Hospitality doesn’t require elaborate preparations. Serve a pot of soup, order takeout, or simply offer coffee and cookies. The goal is to create space for meaningful connection, not to showcase your culinary skills.
- Invite Others Into Your Imperfections Don’t wait for your home to be spotless or your life to be perfect to invite others in. Sometimes the most impactful hospitality happens when we let people see our mess. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT) reminds us, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” When we embrace our imperfections, we point others to God’s grace.
- Practice Gratitude Instead of stressing over what you don’t have, focus on what you do. Thank God for the resources, time, and opportunities He has given you to serve others. A heart of gratitude transforms hospitality into an act of worship.
- Pray for a Servant’s Heart Ask God to help you approach hospitality with humility and love. Pray for your guests, asking God to meet their needs and work in their lives.
The Heart of Hospitality
When we let go of perfectionism, we free ourselves to embrace the true heart of hospitality: loving others as Christ has loved us.
1 Peter 4:9-10 (NLT) encourages us, “Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.”
Hospitality is not about perfection; it’s about obedience. It’s about showing up, opening your heart, and trusting God to work through your efforts.
Moving Forward
As you practice hospitality, remember Martha Stewart’s words about perfectionism: striving for perfection can rob hospitality of its heart. Instead, embrace the imperfections, prioritize connection, and focus on reflecting God’s love.
When we let go of the pressure to perform, we create space for God to move. And in doing so, we discover the joy and freedom of living out biblical hospitality—the kind that changes lives, including our own.
